my daddy

My dad went to the hospital on Wednesday because his blood pressure shot up to 220/something. In May he was hospitalized with chest pains and his blood pressure was almost the same. He didn't get admitted this week, but its still scary. I can tell that he doesn't feel well still and that is scary. Very scary.

On Tuesday, the day before he had to go to the ER, he came home early and my brother was soon to follow. We all started talking and my dad told my brother and I that we needed to get situated so he could get a new job. He's unhappy. He's worked so hard and he wants to take it easy (which he should have been doing years ago) and here we are living here. I guess I mainly focused on that my brother was still getting money from my dad, but even me living here is going to be a financial strain. I really wanted to go see Amanda thinking I was going to get that check (which I have, again, given up hope on) when I could be paying off my debt so I can move out and be an actual adult. I felt so selfish. So selfish. How could I be that way. My dad has taken care of me for 26 years, I gotta start taking care of him by taking care of myself. I'm infuriated with myself. Absolutely infuriated.

I can only hope that the anger I have will help point me in the right direction and motivate me to do something instead of make me wallow (which I have been also guilty of these past few days).